一个关于“安”的故事 A Story about “Aun”

北格：

当你还在妈妈子宫里面时，爸爸妈妈希望你会平平安安地出世。因此，在斟酌了所有的单字后，并且依据海南人的家谱，我们决定在你的“祥”字辈后，取了一个“安”字。

我们除了希望你平安，安稳，快乐地成长，更要确定让你在一个安全健康的环境下成长。虽然你还是个小孩，不过我们依然像对待一个大人般的态度和你交代我们每天的动向和去向，好让你安心和拥有绝对的安全感，让你知道爸爸妈妈出去上班后，还是会回家的。

相信不久以后，你长大成人后，未来你的生活节奏或脚步有紧奏时，我们希望你能极力维护生活里的安静。在紧奏的生活并不特别感到窘迫或埋怨，在时间中不自由自在但也不会感到受限制。

你要记住，安静的生活是一种节约的生活方式。安静使你能认真思考能缩短工作所需要的时间，能转化所面临的各种问题。安静也使你开心的是，说话时能诚恳表达自己。最重要的是，安静使你拥有一种做任何事都专心的力量。

但是，在未来，无论你在哪个生活阶段，你都不苟求，而是清清楚楚地画出完全属于自己的安静时刻。即使当你处在一个喧嚣的环境时，有时侯也会感觉到一种异常的安静，就像在看一场消音的电影。

打个比喻，妈妈就是利用操作家务，全心陪伴你，也利用热情进入工作来感受那些安静给我的种种享受，再从这种感受中汲取快乐来面对天天循环的生活。所以，别把安静的定义狭窄化了。

爸爸妈妈希望你铭记住着这个关于“安”的故事。未来也希望你也会创作一个属于自己“安”的故事，那时侯就请你讲这个故事给我们听了。

妈妈

2013年6月13日笔

后记：这封信，在北格出世半年后，就用手打好稿了，今天才用电脑记录下来。

Peke,

When you were inside Mommy’s womb, Daddy and Mommy prayed that you will be born safely. So after considered all the Mandarin single words, we decided to take the word “Aun” as your last name after your surname and Hainanese’s genealogy middle name “Xiang”. “Aun” in Mandarin means safe, peace and stable.

We want to ensure you will be growing up in a safe, healthy and happy environment. Though you are still a small kid, we always treat you like an adult, whenever we plan for any daily activities or any outing, we will inform you and give a picture, just to make sure you will have an absolute sense of security that we will be back home after work.

Your future life pace will play tight soon after you had grown up. However, we hope you will strongly defend your life in the quiet, so that you will not feel miserable or complain even the rhythm of life is tight; you will not feel you are restricted or difficult to breathe even you are in a tight schedule.

Please always remember that quiet life style is a kind of frugality of life. It will enable you to reflect and think first before an action is taken whenever you face any problems; consequently you can shorten the time needed to complete the work. It will make your happier because you will speak and express yourself sincerely. The most important part is it will help you to possess the power of concentration in doing anything.

We hope you will not be so demanding no matter what stage of life you are in, but you need to clearly draw out your own quiet moments. Even when you are in a noisy environment, you will still feel an unusual quiet, just like watching a silencer movie.

For example, when I was doing my house works, accompanying you with heart fully, I will use the enthusiasm from works to enjoy my quiet moments. From here, I gain my happiness and it gives me the power to face every day routine and life cycle. So, please do not narrow the definition of Quiet.

We hope you will always remember the story about “Aun”. We hope you will create your own story of “Aun” in future. Then, please tell us your own “Aun” story to us.

Mommy

13 June 2013

P/S: This letter had been draft just after 6 months Peke was born. Today, finally I am free to record it down with my personal computer.

原来你那么爱我 You have love me so much

当全世界的人都在歌颂喂母乳有许多许多的好处时,却忘了提醒新手妈妈在这某些方面可能会遇到一些难题。姑且不讨论这个问题，我对于杂志上，报纸上或书籍上，列出喂母乳一系列的好处当中，对于“喂母乳有助于促进亲子关系”这个说法，一直心存许多的问号：为什么当新手妈妈正在挣扎着如何喂宝宝喝母乳；同一个时间，初生宝宝也一样挣扎着如何从妈妈那儿吸母乳时，又饿又喝不到时，呱呱啼哭，新手妈妈听了，心急又不知所错时，亲子关系就是从这儿建立起的吗？又或者，当妈妈享有喂宝宝喝母乳的特权时，宝宝是否知道是妈妈亲自喂他喝母乳吗？这些一直让我觉得很好奇又很疑惑的事情。虽然我已为人母，却搞不懂，亲子关系究竟为何物？

When the whole world is widely promoting the benefits of breastfeeding, they may forget to remind the mother-to-be that they might face some problem when they want to breastfeed their newborn baby. Let’s don’t discuss about this topic. Through the magazines, newspaper and books, I get to know that breastfeeding will beneficial both the mother and baby a lot. However, I always feel strange on one of the benefits they listed down: Breastfeeding will create a bond between the mother and baby. I have a lot of question marks regarding this remark. How breastfeeding will create the bond between the mother and baby when the newly mother is struggling to breastfeed her baby; at the same time, the newborn baby is also struggling to get the milk from the mother? Or does the baby know that the woman who is breastfeeding him now is his mother? Although I was officially a mother already, I still cannot fully understand what is the bond mean to?

一直到有一天，当我打算不再喂母乳时，我看到小祥安因为妈妈不再喂他喝母乳而落寞的样子时，我觉得心很疼。我想，他大概是认为，被妈妈抱着喂奶，就等于被妈妈抱着疼爱，从妈妈的怀里，他找到温暖和安全感的。现在妈妈不再喂他喝母乳，他以为妈妈不要他了。那一刻，我终于深深地体会到何谓亲子关系，以及为何喂母乳会被视为促进亲子关系的其中一项。虽然平时我也有注意到，当我喂小祥安喝母乳时，他总是给我一个很纯洁快乐的眼神，却没预料到要断奶时，对于这个小婴孩是一项打击。

Till one day, I planned to stop breastfeed my Little Ethan, Little Ethan looked very sad. I felt my heart was so pain that my Little Ethan couldn’t understand why his Mommy stop breastfeed him. I think, for him, breastfeed is one kind of a love from his Mommy. He may felt a sense of security and warm feeling when he was cuddled by his Mommy. So, when I stop breastfeed him, Little Ethan though I don’t want him already. At that moment, I truly deeply understand what the bond means to is, and why the whole world is encouraging breastfeed. When I breastfeed Little Ethan, I always can see the pure joy from Little Ethan’s eyes.  From here, I get a lot of courage from Little Ethan to be a stronger person and also enjoying being a mother. Nevertheless, I never estimated that my decision to abruptly stop breastfeed Little Ethan will give him so strong of psychology impacts.

最严重的莫过于有个晚上我和致求去参加阿月的结婚前夕聚会，而迟至晚上9点30分还未回家接管小祥安时，小祥安的公公打来了一个电话，气急败坏地告诉我小祥安从晚上8点30分开时哭哭啼啼要找妈妈时，我们立刻结束我们的聚会，飞车回家，想搞清楚到底小祥安怎么了。回到家时，看到的是一个卷缩在摇篮里的小祥安，含着眼泪，哽咽着入睡，看了真的好心疼。原来小祥安是知道妈妈今晚不在他身边哄他入睡，所以他伤心的哭了。那一瞬间，我才发现到原来我们的亲子关系已经随着时间慢慢的建立起来了，也越来越深厚了。我赫然发现，我被我的孩子深深的爱着，这是何等幸福的一件事啊。

The most serious case happened when Chee Chew and I went to attend Moon’s Bachelor’s night. That night, we stay so late till 9.30pm. Little Ethan’s Grandpa suddenly gave me a call, told me that Little Ethan started cried from 8.30pm till now, he guessed the little fellow was looking for his mother. We ended our gathering immediately and rushing back to home to figure out what happen to our little sweetie.  When we got home, I saw my Little Ethan huddled in the cradle, kept choking back his tears to sleep. I really distressed to see it. Little Ethan was so sad that I am not around to coax him to sleep. He must wonder where I am since 8.30pm. At the moment, I found that our parent-child relationship was already built up slowly, more and more profound over the time. I realized that I was deeply being loved by my baby; this is what a happy thing.

每个夜晚，只要有妈妈陪伴着小祥安，小祥安才会安心地入睡。每个深夜，小祥安从睡梦中惊醒，一定要确认妈妈的存在，才又继续沉睡去。我的小祥安，妈妈永远，永远都会记得，妈妈是如此被需要，被依赖，被你深深爱着的每一刻。

Every night, with the Mommy’s accompany, Little Ethan will sleep very well. Every midnight, whenever Little Ethan wake up, he must make sure my existence then only fell to sleep soundly. My Little Ethan, Mommy will always remember in my heart that Mommy is being so needed; being so dependent and being deeply love by you every moment forever.